Scout Mater Craig Wilson of Salina Utah’s Boy Scout Troop 341 has recently begun enforcing a policy designed to prevent gay children from sneaking into the scouting program. “You can’t tell just by looking at them,” said Wilson. “It’s simple. All we’re doing is adding a screening step to the registration process.”
Wilson went on to state that boys wishing to join Boy Scouts would now be required to have sex with a woman while he, as Scout Master, supervised and ensured that no “gay stuff” happened. “There’s only one way to prove that you’re not a homosexual, and that’s to prove you’re heterosexual,” Wilson added.
Wilson has suggested using volunteer den mothers to assist in the application process noting that this will also help ensure the heterosexuality of female cub-scout leaders who could very well be secret lesbians.
One recently initiated scout seemed unable to comment although, while being interviewed, he did manage a creepy half smile before transitioning into what seemed to be silent crying. Wilson insisted that the new recruit will make a fine straight scout, a fact that was demonstrated when the boy set the LDS cultural hall where the troop meets on fire using only one match and no gasoline.