guns for fetusesWashington DC—Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) has introduced legislation which would guarantee Second Amendment rights to unborn fetuses and give pre-infants the ability to protect and defend their wombs with lethal force.

Baby-sized handguns would be distributed to all Fetal-Americans sometime between conception and twelve weeks.  It is unclear whether the law would require doctors to insert handguns directly into the uterus as part of standard prenatal care or whether women could perform the procedure at home.

“We have to do more than just legislate against abortion; we have to make sure every fetus in this great country has the freedom to protect itself from uterine invasions,” said Chaffetz.

The Representative from Utah’s Third Congressional district says that the proposed law is  modeled on Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law and also rests on a recent amendment to Virginia’s state constitution that declares the uterus, cervix, and vagina of any pregnant woman eminent domain.

“Women use IUD’s and those Nuva rings things; this is no different. Women need to understand something without getting all emotional: they don’t get to make life decisions for pre-infants; pre-infants should make those decisions for themselves. Just because they lack the capacity for rational thought doesn’t mean they can’t express themselves—all it takes is a gun and a grabber reflex.”

There is some question about whether a woman would be able to shoot an unwanted fetus as a trespasser  under stand your ground, but proponents of the law note that now the fetus will have the ability to shoot back.