Trestin

The man who went on a hunger strike to protest the legalizing of same-sex marriage in Utah is giving people a lot to think about now that a comment he posted to his facebook page has appeared on reddit.

In his post, Meacham states that it is his “mission to stand against the homosexual movement” and that “they can kill my body, but my spirit will never submit to their tyranny.” Meacham goes on to warn the homosexual movement that they have “made a powerful foe.”

Leaders of the Homosexual Movement issued a response to Meacham’s comment via their usual channels: subliminal messages inserted into literally every possible media from Glee to the Golden Globes’ speech-wrap-up music. Mixed with alcohol and Ambien, the subliminal messages form into a dream message in which a muscular, naked man with the head of a goat in a Lady Gaga wig reads from a Trapper Keeper directly to the press.

“Trestin made some really good points,” read the Goat/Lady Gaga.  “He totally called us out, and even though the Gay Movement exists for the express purpose of destroying Trestin Meacham, he helped us see that we’ve been going about it the wrong way. We owe him for that.”

The nude goat spokesperson went on to explain that gay people had been focusing on Meacham’s body, but murdering him might not be enough to accomplish their agenda. “A dead Trestin could still thwart our plans, you know, kind of like Patrick Swayze stopped that mean banker guy in Ghost.  Destroying his body simply isn’t enough; we need to attack his soul.”

When asked how the Movement planned to go after Meacham’s soul, goat/Gaga responded, “From Glinda to Coven, we’ve always been able to count on witches, so we’re toying with a Willow/Bavmorda approach where we’ll call upon the power of the universe to exile Trestin’s soul into the netherworld—that or the Harry Potter/dementor route where we just suck his soul right out of his hungry little body. Once that’s done our agenda will be able to move forward unimpeded by he who is our greatest foe.”

Trestin Meacham